My worst nightmare - throwing up.
Emetophobia is the official name for the debilitating and irrational fear about the act or possibility of vomiting. No one likes to be sick but for me, it's a HUGE part of who I am, how I live my life and my day to day behaviours. I’ve never shared this part of me and I don’t talk about this fear with most people who pop by in my life, but I truly think that there are so many more of us out there; those of us who are excessive and take the whole getting sick thing to the next level. I’m sharing and getting real about some of my quirks.
If anyone mentions not feeling well, I’m so out. Growing up I would literally move out of my house if someone in the fam was sick. I had a bag packed and I was ready to go wherever I needed too until the house was super disinfected.
I so badly dream of being a mom but am so challenged by what comes with that. Can I really handle it?
I don’t drink very much and you won’t find me in situations where drinking is a main hit.
I missed out on so much of my childhood because my anxiety was so much louder - birthday parties, sleepovers, going on rides, parties. It was never worth it to me. The risk was so much worse.
Food - this is such a big one. I will not eat at dive bars or restaurants I feel unsure about the food. My friends know to ask me if where we are going is Courtney approved (sorry guys! I make things difficult).
I waste a ton of food as I think everything has gone bad.
Hand sanitizer is my best friend.
Even a joke about throwing up can set me through the roof.
I do isolate myself to stay away from situations where I could get sick - especially during Flu season
I use whatever I need to and do whatever I need to, to be out of the way of potentially getting sick. I will NOT let myself get sick.
The only thing that made me feel like I had a handle on myself was taking Dimendyrinate also known as Gravol and Dramamine, which quickly grew into a serious addiction. About 2 months ago I had my own intervention and got sober. I admitted to myself and the people around me that I’ve been hiding a 10 year addiction to this over the counter medication. A medication taken to prevent throwing up and nausea, it had been my longtime partner in crime. My dependency grew over the years to upwards of 20 pills a day. I got my spiritual intervention and my body started shutting down. What had I done to myself?
I’m clean, sober and couldn’t be more stable.
I ask my clients each and everyday what they are grateful for. As I reflect on my journey and how far I’ve come, I’ve for real made some huge changes. I’m definitely not agenda setting my socials as I used to. Thank you mindfulness for that one.I’m so grateful that I found the strength to separate myself from the drugs - the coping mechanisms.
This is why I fell in love with energy medicine and crystal therapy. I’ve made it my mission to heal holistically. The power of healing is a priceless gift. We decide to love ourselves and learn how to appreciate who we are.
I think i’ve passed this test, spirit. I LOVE me.