Filter No More
The one thing that was supposed to be saving me was killing me.
Medication. Such a love-hate relationship with you. You were supposed to be put me back together - yet you did the complete opposite. For eight years you took my strength, my confidence and my self-worth.
This is a SUPER exciting transformation for me, and one I’m finally ready to share - very openly!
Those who have followed me and my open journey around mental health, thank you for always giving me the floor to talk so safely about it.
For the rest of you just getting to know me.
Hi! I’m Courtney, and I consciously chose to be candid about my struggles, after being attached to the diagnosis of Rapid Cycling Bipolar 1 Disorder in 2010. The mountains I’ve had to climb have been steep, real steep. But being on the other side of the hills now feels hella good.
When I was first diagnosed, I was pumped and probed with so many medications that not only did I not feel like myself, my body was physically destroyed. There are so many ways I could go with this, but today I'm venting about the swelling, edema and weight gain that I suffered through.
I absolutely hate looking at this picture. It brings back a whole lot of emotion, pain and insecurity.
These pictures have NO filters. They are raw and me. Yup - that is what I turned into shortly after being put on medications. I couldn’t wear necklaces or my favourite clothing. It was hard to breathe, and the swelling was affecting my health. I worked with just about every type of doctor and knocked down every door to get myself off of those toxic pills. Even then, I couldn’t lose the swelling, the water weight my body was holding on too.
I’ve hidden behind filters, not allowed myself to be in pictures and excluded myself from public events. I wasn’t me for a long time.
Doing the line of work I do now, as a spiritual teacher, energy healer and psychic medium, I have completely turned my life over to holistic healing and have been able to heal so much of this pain and this weight that I’ve been carrying - emotionally and physically. I love that I'm part of so many communities where I can advocate for others who struggle with mental health.
About a year ago, someone that I valued and trusted said that I would be better off if I were 90 pounds lighter. Instead of taking that as punch to the gut and a pick up on the self-pity, I ran with it to push myself forward - to acknowledge my confidence, to recenter myself and to own my energetic space. As I preach in my daily practice with my clients to recognize our emotions, I knew that I needed to stop avoiding something that was painful in my life. We connect with people as lessons to better understand ourselves, always. There is always a takeaway.
After working hard through spiritual practice to dive to the root of the problem, the use of Reiki and pushing medical boundaries (always!), I have come so far with my health. I promised myself that once I got to that end goal that I would celebrate myself.
No guilt at all, I opted to visit the best of the best in facial surgery in Ottawa, Dr. Hedyeh Javidnia. She was able to surgically reduce the rest of the fat from my face through liposuction. I'm two months post-op today and feeling great. Could not be happier with the results and still have so much more healing to go with an improved outcome. Look at that jawline though!!
Thank you to the Cosmetic Facial Surgery team for giving me back some of my confidence. And for being so patient with me :)
Always advocate for yourself. Allow insight from the people around you. Do a self-check-in.
Stay tuned for a very exciting announcement about the launch of the Courtney Taylor Collection, a collection of items featuring my favourite spoken mantras.
Lots of love always,