Emetophobia - What the Heck is That?

My worst nightmare - throwing up.

Emetophobia is the official name for the debilitating and irrational fear about the act or possibility of vomiting. No one likes to be sick but for me, it's a HUGE part of who I am, how I live my life and my day to day behaviours. I’ve never shared this part of me and I don’t talk about this fear with most people who pop by in my life, but I truly think that there are so many more of us out there; those of us who are excessive and take the whole getting sick thing to the next level. I’m sharing and getting real about some of my quirks.

  • If anyone mentions not feeling well, I’m so out. Growing up I would literally move out of my house if someone in the fam was sick. I had a bag packed and I was ready to go wherever I needed too until the house was super disinfectied.

  • I so badly dream of being a mom but am so challenged by what comes with that. Can I really handle it?

  • I don’t drink very much and you won’t find me in situations where drinking is a main hit.

  • I missed out on so much of my childhood because my anxiety was so much louder - birthday parties, sleepovers, going on rides, parties. It was never worth it to me. The risk was so much worse.

  • Food - this is such a big one. I will not eat at dive bars or restaurants I feel unsure about the food. My friends know to ask me if where we are going is Courtney approved (sorry guys! I make things difficult).

  • I waste a ton of food as I think everything has gone bad.

  • Hand sanitizer is my best friend.

  • Even a joke about throwing up can set me through the roof.

  • I do isolate myself to stay away from situations where I could get sick - especially during Flu season

  • I use whatever I need to and do whatever I need to, to be out of the way of potentially getting sick. I will NOT let myself get sick.

For a very long time, I was afraid of my own body and didn’t feel in control.

The only thing that made me feel like I had a handle on myself was taking dimendyrinate also known as Gravol and Dramamine, which quickly grew into a serious addiction. About 2 months ago I had my own intervention and got sober. I admitted to myself and the people around me that I’ve been hiding a 10 year addiction to this over the counter medication. A medication taken to prevent throwing up and nausea, it had been my longtime partner in crime. My dependency grew over the years to upwards of 20 pills a day. I got my spiritual intervention and my body started shutting down. What had I done to myself?

I’m clean, sober and couldn’t be more stable.

I ask my clients each and everyday what they are grateful for. As I reflect on my journey and how far I’ve come, I’ve for real made some huge changes. I’m definitely not agenda setting my socials as I used to. Thank you mindfulness for that one.I’m so grateful that I found the strength to separate myself from the drugs - the coping mechanisms.

This is why I fell in love with energy medicine and crystal therapy. I’ve made it my mission to heal holistically. The power of healing is a priceless gift. We decide to love ourselves and learn how to appreciate who we are.

I think i’ve passed this test, spirit. I LOVE me.

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Courtney Taylor